The Twits

Chapter 1: Mr. Twit

 Mr. Twit was an old twit. He had an awful beard. He never washed it. So it was smelly, matted and revolting. When he ate, he wasn’t careful to open his mouth and not to dirty so much. There were beef-stews, sauce, and minced chicken livers on his beard.

Chapter 2: Mrs. Twit

Mrs. Twit was a horrible old woman. She was Mr. Twit’s wife. Mrs. Twit wasn’t born ugly. But she had ugly thoughts. So, she became more and more ugly every day.

Chapter 3: The Glass Eye

 Mrs. Twit had a glass eye. With it, she could do lots of tricks. One day, she took out her glass eye and dropped it into Mr. Twit’s beer… Mr. Twit sat there drinking his beer, when suddenly Mrs. Twit told him that she knew that he was plotting something. And she was right. Then she also said that whenever Mr. Twit started to plot, she watched him like a wombat. But Mr. Twit called her wife “Old hag” and made her shut up.

 Suddenly, while Mr. Twit was drinking his beer, he jumped and shouted because he had seen the glass eye in his cup. So, Mrs. Twit told him that she was really watching him and cackled.

Chapter 4: The Frog

 To pay her back for the glass eye in his beer, Mr. Twit decided he would put a frog in Mrs. Twit’s bed. That nigh, when Mrs. Twit was in the shower, Mr. Twit slipped the frog between her sheets. When Mrs. Twit got into bed, she suddenly started to feel something cold and slimy crawling over her feet. She screamed and Mr. Twit asked what was happening, and she said that there was something in her bed. So, Mr. Twit said that it was a monster. So, Mrs. Twit fainted, and Mr. Twit fetched a jug of water over Mrs. Twit’s head. When she came to, the frog was on her head. And she shouted again. So, Mrs Twit leapt out of bed and slept on the sofa. And the frog slept happily on Mrs. Twit’s wet pillow.

Chapter 5: The wormy Spaghetti

 Mrs. Twit decided to pay Mr. Twit back for the frog trick. She dug up some worms in the garden and took them to the kitchen. Then, she started cooking. And she mixed her husband’s spaghetti with the worms and some tomato sauce.

 While they were eating, Mr. Twit told her that his spaghetti was moving. And Mrs. Twit said that it was a new kind. She said they were called “Squiggly Spaghetti”.

 When they finished eating, Mrs. Twit said that it wasn’t spaghetti. She said that she had put WORMS in his plate! And she started laughing stamping her feet on the floor.

Chapter 6: The funny Walking-Stick

To pay her back for the worms in his spaghetti, Mr. Twit had a very clever plan. Every night, while Mrs. Twit was asleep, Mr. Twit stuck a tiny bit of wood on to Mrs. Twit’s stick.

 One day, Mr. Twit told her that her stick was very tall for her and Mrs. Twit said that her stick was shrinking. So, Mr. Twit told her that it wasn’t the stick; it was her who had being getting shorter. But Mrs. Twit couldn’t believe it. And Mr. Twit said that she had the dreaded shrinks.

Chapter 7: Mrs. Twits has the Shrinks

As soon as Mrs. Twit sat down, she noticed that her feet didn’t touch the ground. Mr. Twit, cleverly, had done the same with the stick and the chair. He said he was sure she had the shrinks and if she did not cure it, she was going to shrink so much that she was going to turn into a bundle of clothes and a pair of shoes. So, Mr. Twit said that the only cure for The Shrinks was to be stretched.

Chapter 8: Mrs. Twit gets a stretching

 Mr. Twit prepared everything for the stretching: there were fifty balloons, lots of strings and an iron ring. He tied Mrs. Twit’s ankles to the iron ring and fifty balloons to all her body. She said that she felt they were stretching her. Mr. Twit wanted to leave her there for a couple of days. And he was about to do that, when Mrs. Twit told him that he had to be sure if she was properly tied to the ground. And when she said that, Mr. Twit had a great idea…

Chapter 9: Mrs. Twit Goes Ballooning Up

Mrs. Twit told Mr. Twit that she wanted him to put more strings around her ankle, because she wanted to feel safe. Then, instead of doing what his wife had asked him, he took a knife from his pocket and cut the strings which hold Mrs. Twit. And she started to go up in the sky. She screamed, but Mr. Twit didn’t save her and he felt happy.

Chapter 10: Mrs. Twit Comes Ballooning Down

While Mrs. Twit was up there in the sky, she had a great idea. She decided to bit the strings and began to float downwards. Fortunately, there was no wind that day. So she went straight down.

Chapter 11: Mr. Twit gets a Horrid Shock

Mr. Twit was drinking his beer when suddenly he saw his wife who was shouting at him. He jumped from his chair and dropped his beer. Then he saw his wife coming down from the sky, when suddenly she fell onto him. Mrs. Twit was so angry, that she started to insult him and lash out with the stick cracking all over his body.

Chapter 12: The House, The Tree and the Monkey Cage

Mr. and Mrs. Twit house had no windows because Mr. Twit didn’t like the other people to see what you’re doing. They also had a garden. Mrs. Twit was the gardener, she grew many spiky plants. In the garden, there was also a dead tree. And near it, there was a Monkey Cage with 4 monkeys in it which belonged to Mr. Twit.

Chapter 13: Hugtight Sticky Glue

Once a week, the Twits had Bird Pie for supper. Mr. Twit caught the birds: He put a very sticky glue on the branches of the tree. And when the birds landed on the branch, Mr. Twit caught them, and gave them to Mrs. Twit to cook them.

Chapter 14: 4 Sticky Little Boys

One day, after Mr. Twit had smeared the tree with GLUE, four little boys went into The Twit’s garden to look at the monkeys. When they got tired, they went to explore the garden and they climbed on the tree. And they stuck on the tree!

 When Mr. Twit was going to collect the birds, he saw the boys. And he said that he was going to eat Boy-Pie. While he was climbing the tree to catch them, one of the boys had an idea. He told the others to slip out of their pants and fall to the ground. They did that and they escaped happy with their naked bottoms.

Chapter 15: The Monkey Circus

In the old ages, Mr. and Mr. Twit worked in a circus training monkeys. Now they were retired but they still wanted to train them. The monkeys (who lived in a cage in the garden), had to do EVERYTHING upside down. They didn’t mind if they got tired. They monkeys were a family: Muggle-Wamp, his wife and their two small children.

Chapter 16: The Roly-Poly Bird to the rescue

The family longed to escape from the cage and go back to Africa: their home. They hated Mr. and Mrs. Twit because they made their lives miserable. They used to shout at the birds to not to stand on the tree because it had GLUE, but they didn’t understand their African language; they were English birds.

 One day, the Roly-Poly bird (who came from Africa) appeared. And the monkeys asked HIM to tell the birds not to land on the branches because the Roly-Poly bird knew English too.

Chapter 17: Bo bird pie for Mr. Twit

The next morning there wasn’t any birds. So that day Mr. Twit didn’t eat Bird Pie. And the monkeys laughed at him

Chapter 18: Still no bird pie for Mr. Twit

Mr. Twit LOVED Bird pie. So, that same day, he smeared the tree with glue. And the Roly Poly bird appeared again and warned the birds about the glue.

Chapter 19: Mr. and Mrs. Twit go off to buy guns

That morning, when Mr. Twit came out there was no bird. So, he became furious and told Mrs. Twit his idea: they were going to buy guns, to shot the birds. And then he told the monkeys to get upside down. But the monkeys had heard what Mr. Twit had said…

Chapter 20: Muggle Wump’s idea

When the Twits left the house, they told the Roly Poly bird to open their cage with the key which was hanging on a nail. Roly Poly opened the cage and they were now free. But before leaving, Muggle Wamp had an idea...

Chapter 21: The great Glue painting begins

 All the birds and the monkeys entered in The Twits living-room. There, Muggle Wamp told everyone that they had to smear glue all over the CEILING; all the animals stared at him. But Muggle Wamp told them to start working; he was very excited and happy!

Chapter 22: The Carpet goes on the ceiling

When they finished smearing the glue on the ceiling, Muggle Wamp told the others to put the WHOLE carpet on the floor. When he said that, all the birds told him that he was crazy. But finally Muggle Wamp convinced them. And all the birds started to pull; puffing. It was really difficult. But finally, they did it.

Chapter 23: The Furniture goes up

Muggle Wamp told everyone to stick the tables, the sofa, the lamps and all the ornaments to the ceiling. And, hardly, all the birds could finally do it. Then, Muggle Wamp said that they had to put the PICTURES upside down. The Roly Poly bird was very exhausted, so he went to keep guard; to see when the Twits were coming back.

Chapter 24: The Ravens Swoop over

 Suddenly the Roly Poly bird screamed, saying that the Twits were back, so ALL the birds flew quickly up to the roof of the house. And the monkeys stood upside down in the cage. Then, the Twits saw that the birds were still on the roof. So, they decided to use their new fearsome guns. But the ravens took some brushes smeared with glue and brushed some on the Twits heads. When they felt it they started to protest and went into the house to wash their heads.

Chapter 25: The Twits are turned upside down

When the Twits entered the house, they couldn’t believe their eyes; when they saw everything on the ceiling, they thought they were upside down! So, they decided to do a very stupid thing: they stood on their heads, because they thought that they were standing on the ceiling! So, when they that, they got stuck; FOREVER. And all the animals were watching them, surprised through a crack in the door.

Chapter 26: The monkeys escape

 The monkeys went to the top of the hill, and they built a marvelous tree house in the tallest tree. There, all the birds made their nests there so that anybody could see it from the ground. But just then, the Roly Poly bird told the monkeys that winter there was very cold. So, he told them that if they wanted he was going to take them flying to Africa. And happily, all the monkeys accepted.

Chapter 27: the Twits get the shrinks

Mr. and Mrs. Twit were upside forever, and of course they were arguing and shouting. But worst of all they were getting the SHRINKS. They tried to get free but the couldn’t, and then, all their body SHRANK.

 One day, a man went to their house to see read the gas meter, when nobody answered the door, he went into the house and on the ground, he saw some clothes, to pair of shoes, and a walking-stick. The Twits had disappeared FOREVER.

 And everybody including that man, CELEBRATED AND THEY WERE ALL VERY HAPPY!